Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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