You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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