Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize