I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
