the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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