This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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