Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
