the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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