i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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