You're my little dorito
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i love accidental penises.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
