I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
