I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
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I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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