Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
