White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
