I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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