Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
