he puts the penis in happiness.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
