how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
