ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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