It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
