im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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