ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
