i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
