I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
