Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
