if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
