if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
