the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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