It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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