Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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