Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
