Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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