You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
