Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
