I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
