A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
