I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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