I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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