We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
