The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
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People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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