I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
