i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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