how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
