oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
