So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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