I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
