The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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