yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
should my penis look like a turkey
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
