maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
