I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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