So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize