i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
