I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
