Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I could fuck to npr.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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