Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
