I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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