I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
