I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
there is glitter all over my balls
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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