I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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