I hope mine doesn't look like that
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
NoShamevember. You game?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
