I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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