hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
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Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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