atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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