Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
