he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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