On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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