i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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